@HausOfAustin: Apple CEO announces he's gay. Samsung CEO announces he's more gay and water resistant.
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@rzarosco: MY AUNT: All we can do now is pray DOCTOR: Oh nice so I should put down this cardio thoracic surgical instrument? We're good here?
@MikeDrucker: Yelp is a fun game where you try to guess between whether a restaurant is bad or a reviewer is crazy.
@Dawn_M_: Okay stranger, it's clear that we walk at the exact same pace, speed up or at least hold my hand.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Some peanut butter M&M's just rolled under the fridge, and now I understand every sad love song ever written.