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@hipstermermaid: Arcade Fire: great band / nerd way to die
@Brampersandon_: BOUNCER: *checking ID* this doesn't look like you
CATERPILLAR: *adjusts makeshift wings* its me
B: oh yeah? Fly then
C: uh *starts sweating*
@GrumpyyCat: Telling a girl to calm down works about as well as trying to baptize a cat.
@UnicornSyrup: Anyone who says their wedding day was the best day of their life, has never had 2 candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine.
@TumblrsFunnies: yup im doing this
@huntigula: I take karate classes solely to fight off hobos who mistake my man bun for a delicious cinnamon roll