@praisecheese: "Archeology is just like search and rescue only everyone's been dead for 5,000 years, so there's no rush"
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@WGladstone: Lady Gaga got engaged on Valentine's Day with a heart-shaped ring, indicating her fiance shares her love for bold originality.
@iAmDelFreaky: They should fill the airbags with confetti to make car accidents more fun. *crashes vehicle* "OMG, my legs! Hey, a party!" *dies smiling*
@hazelmotes1: Me: when I grow up I'm going to be an astronaut. 5 year old daughter: you're already grown up. You'll be dead soon.
@FKACornshucks: TT: At sunday dinner I like to perform an impromptu puppet show with the roast chicken. This week it's my interpretation of Die Hard 2.