@truegritrumble: (Spelling Bee) JUDGE: Your word is catastrophe. ME: Y. O. U. R. F. A. C. E. *all the mics in the room simultaneously drop to the floor*

@AndyAsAdjective: It'll be a cold day in hell. Cloudy in purgatory, with a slight chance of rain. And clear skies up in heaven. Now over to Jim with sports.

@findmydolls: My dad wanted to name me, "Rusty," if I was a boy. Thank you, X chromosomes.

@ArfMeasures: [Me as a boxing commentator] ME: Oh no, they're fighting again, this is just like last time

@maebemarbles: *holds flashlight under chin* "...and then the typo appears, AFTER you hit send!!" *everyone screams in horror*