@JennyJohnsonHi5: Quick! Everyone on Facebook is at church! Let's go steal all their shit!

@Darlainky: *asks family what they want from the grocery, no one says a word* {in checkout lane} *receives 4 separate food request texts from family*

@juliussharpe: A lifetime of fire drills has prepared me to completely ignore the alarm during a real fire.

@ifuseekamynow: 7: mommy can I play on your computer? Me: later 7: what do you mean by later? Me: I'm hoping you forget.

@ashleycrem: If pharmaceutical companies have taught me anything, they've taught me that people with life threatening illnesses love to hike.