As a Californian, the most frightening thing about the movie Psycho, is the thought of leaving the shower water running for that long.

@Underchilde: If we’re talking and I suddenly look off into the distance at a copse of trees that means I’m thinking of burying you there.

260

@juliussharpe: If Mary Poppins floated in on an umbrella today, they'd shoot her out of the sky with a drone.

1

@Ristolable: [pitch meeting] Okay so it's a ton of dogs. Dalmatians. 100 of 'em. I call it "100 Dalmatians." [idea man pipes in] Let's think bigger

1

@Thynebear: "I Wish I Had Her Skin!" - Teenage Girls & Serial Killers

@kellysdf: Sailors have the reputation, but nobody cusses like a mom who just found out school is closed.

44

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets