@Andrew_S_Dykes: As a child I had a medical condition that meant I had to eat soil 3 times a day in order to survive. Lucky my older brother told me about it
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@KimmyMonte: Hey guys is your refrigerator running? Because I don't like any of the current presidential candidates
@ojedge: Che: "Why do you want to participate in this guerrilla war?" Me: [picturing myself leading an army of gorillas into battle] "Independence."
@shashaintl: 10 year old: What was it like? Me: What was what like? 10: Being alive in the 1900's? Me: Go to your room.
@mayamanion: I've been listening to the official workout station on Pandora for 3 months and I'm still fat, I'm calling bullshit.