@slimmy_shady: As a funeral director, I always tie the shoe laces together of the deceased.The zombie apocalypse will be hilarious.
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@iwearaonesie: dad: Hand me that Phillips screwdriver me: *looking* dad: Isn't that a Phillips beside you? me: It says "Craftsman" dad: me: Are you crying?
@LizHackett: "Why don't you have kids yet?" is a great question, ma'am, but I'm saving that conversation for the right total stranger at this gym.
@HarmonyRambles: Pfft. Of course I know pound town has nothing to do with pound cake. Everyone knows that. *slides fork into back pocket, fights back tears*