@doktorj: As an only child with a pet cat that bullied me, the pool cleaning robot was my closest friend.
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@Contwixt: My niece asked me what it's like to be an uncle, so we got a feral cat from a shelter, chased it around for a bit, then took it back.
@BBQJones28: I use someone calling me during a phone call as an opportunity to hang up on both of them.
@KalvinMacleod: Baby sharks can hunt for food as soon as they are born and my children cannot find their underwear drawer.