@doktorj: As an only child with a pet cat that bullied me, the pool cleaning robot was my closest friend.
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@lazerdoov: Home Depot is having their "ultimate tool event" in case anyone wants to buy my cousin Tyler.
@ThatBrenna: *takes cat from pocket of doctor's coat & holds it over patient* He has finished his scan. He says he doesn't like you & you have cancer.
@oakhillbargrill: Pillow 1: I hate their big heads Pillow 2: And that dandruff Pillow 1: Sometimes he puts me between his legs Pillow 2: GROSS *Pillow Talk
@: Guys, you could have avoided this mishap if just one woman had been consulted in the design process