@DadandBuried: As far as I'm concerned, anyone who suggests I should have a third child is committing a hate crime.
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@adult_keverage: Bought a 2nd cell phone to leave on the coffee table as a decoy when I go tweet in the bathroom.
@Sickayduh: "Oh no. We dripped cheese dip on the cat. I'll get it" *she grabs a shirt* "Hey don't use that!" *hands her a chip*
@ermahgarton: MURDERER: could a murderer do THIS? *defendant proceeds to not kill anyone* JUDGE: he's got a point