@DadandBuried: As far as I'm concerned, anyone who suggests I should have a third child is committing a hate crime.
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@stephenfry: Dr. Batty was such a responsible doctor. We could all learn from his example & not give cigarettes to the under-6s
@HiddleDeeDee: 7: Mama, are you lonely when we go to bed? Me: (Handle this like a great mom. Get the look off your face. Don't laugh.) Of course, sweetie.
@NikiWithIssues: Hey person who wrote "WASH ME" on my car, I know it wasn't my car that wrote that. My car doesn't speak English. I'm onto you.
@DiscoFruit: [dies and goes to hell] me: "mom? dad!? what are you doing here!" dad: "we used to switch your food with the dog's food sometimes."