@DadandBuried: As far as I'm concerned, anyone who suggests I should have a third child is committing a hate crime.
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@SSDated: If Kevin Bacon never said "want some bacon with your eggs" to a lonely chick in a bar, life just doesn't make sense anymore.
@kumailn: "Wow there are a lot of non-brown people in Gaza." - anyone tuning into Ferguson coverage late
@Reverend_Scott: WIFE: Don't be scared of him. Tell your boss you quit. ME: Ok, I will. [later that day] ME: I quit BOSS: WHAT?? ME: I said, nice squid