@DadandBuried: As far as I'm concerned, anyone who suggests I should have a third child is committing a hate crime.
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@shawnspree: Me: (Insert inspirational quote here) Wife: Wow. That's deep, who said that? Me: I did. Didn't you hear me speak just now?
@iRowlf: When my son loses his 1st tooth, Im putting $1 under his pillow and a note that says "I'll be back with a hammer for the rest. -Tooth Fairy"
@pixelatedboat: To be honest you were our third choice for this poisoner job but the other two got poiso... oh that was you, nice