@weinerdog4life: As I rise from my slumber the children scream in horror, as they did not know I was in the McDonald's Playland ball pit
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@AaronFullerton: If you had a terrible childhood, you'll be super-bummed out by Bank of America's options for security questions.
@Tmoney68: Spice up Christmas shopping by entering random fitting rooms, waiting 5 minutes, then yelling, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"
@ratamack: I want to date a girl who is willing to solve any disagreements with impromptu light-saber battles.
@garrettbarry70: There's nothing more exciting than waking up with a half eaten burger in your hand.