@bobvulfov: [as i'm getting buried alive by a serial killer] wait stop who's gonna feed my tamagotchis
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@highwaytohelv: I'm getting concerned that Beyonce never told those single ladies to put their hands down and now there's a bunch of unfed cats out there.
@Z_Mendenhall: Remember when you first started driving and everything was scary. Now you're going 80, putting salsa on your taco, driving with your knees.
@KentWGraham: Can you imagine the reaction 20 years ago if you showed people a photo album filled with pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
@MunkMania: You know shit's getting real when someone bets their glass eye at the neighborhood poker game.