@JimGaffigan: As long as McDonald's doesn't make us pay with excercise.
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@dundlewood: IF YOU THINK IM GONNA SMILE BECAUSE IT REQUIRES FEWER MUSCLES YOUVE GOT ANOTHER THING COMING. NO OFF DAYS, WELCOME TO FROWN TOWN, BABY
@TheHyyyype: [about to go in for emergency surgery] ME: *slips surgeon a $20* what if you were to give me wings like a giant bird?
@_NTFG_: If you feed me & have the heat on high, I will fall asleep on you. So to have a much more interesting date with me keep me hungry and cold
@WilliamRodgers: "We need something strong and durable to protect cellphones from damage" LG: Plastic? Samsung: Metal? iPhone 8: What about Glass?