@JimGaffigan: As long as McDonald's doesn't make us pay with excercise.
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@SlabBaconBP: Take a stand against childhood obesity by chasing little fat kids down the street.
@bigmacher: Please retweet my son, it would mean a lot to him, apparently his mother's love isn't enough for him. #IfYourMomWroteYourTwitterBio
@thenoahkinsey: I don't have a gf, but I do know a woman who in the car often asks where this is going so I show her the GPS & she gets mad for some reason.