@TheRealRHB: As my friend Joe's last wish I had him cremated and sprinkled his ashes into the coffee pots at work..all morning everyone had a cup of Joe
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@jordan_stratton: WIFE: I thought you said you were going to the gym. ME: [playing Pokémon Go] I've been to like 3 of them today. What are you talking about?
@Queen_Sassy_AF: Thank you for the "avi is not me" disclaimer in your bio. I was thinking David Hasselhoff sure isn't very popular on here with 13 followers
@seamussaid: help keep the English language alive by teaching your kids nearly outdated expressions Plus nothing beats a 5yo pointing & yelling "BEHOLD!"
@HTownHarold: Guys guide to AC levels in car with spouse: If you're hot, she's cold If you're comfortable, she's cold If you're cold, she's not in the car