@Thedudish: As my girlfriend was trying on jeans, a clerk asked her "Need a bigger size?" I saw the look on her face and went to make room in the trunk.
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@gorrdano: McDonalds employees get so cranky when you perform the entire dance routine to Britney Spear's "I'm a slave for you" before ordering.
@Mz_Cake_Vodka: My ex got run down by a bus today. I thought "Wow, that could have been me!" But I can't drive a bus.
@DanMentos: "do you know why I pulled one over on you?" becau- wait what? "I'm not a real cop lol" haha nice! *pulls gun* "I am taking your car though"