@Burger_Time_: [as one million ants are carrying me out of my bed to toward their cavern to eat me alive] please let me feed my neopets first
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@PopSlapFunk: Arrhythmia, blocked arteries, leaky valves, "Hey, I found you on Twitter" and other things that will suddenly stop your heart.
@Reverend_Scott: [Adam and Eve in bed] Adam, am I really the only girl for you? GOD EVE, YOU'RE LITERALLY THE ONLY GIRL ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH
@MrGeorgeWallace: Good thing they had us dissect frogs in high school that prepared us for all the times in real life we've had to dissect frogs.
@DaddyJew: 6: can u get me a drink? Me: no, you're 6yo. You can get your own drink 6: fine *goes to fridge Me: while ur there can u grab me a beer?