@CYComedy: As soon as I walk in, I can feel every woman at the gym dressing me with their eyes.
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@david8hughes: [interrogation] "Where were you on the night of the 5th?" "Dealing drugs." "Louder for the tape?" [leans in] "Healing pugs. I'm a pug vet."
@Holy_Mowgli: Julius Caesar was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and died with a whole bunch of cutlery in his back.
@sixthformpoet: An e-mail confirming you've unsubscribed from a mailing list is a fun way of saying you're not having the last word in THIS argument, pal.
@Birdhumms: "Happy Anniversary to you both, may you have a long marriage with many more years ahead" she hexed.