@DontTouchMyWine: As the day goes on, coworkers start appearing more flammable.
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@XplodingUnicorn: [5-year-old and 3-year-old scream at each other] Me: Is that how your mom and I settle arguments? 5: You want me to sleep on the couch?
@bazlyons: Turns out when you're asked who your favourite child is you're expected to pick from your own.