@LukeAdams95: Ask your siblings to close your door and they will start telling u how u treated them 3 months ago
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@handsock_butts: 6 year old: daddy look we've had a whirlpool in our house this whole time! Dad: for the love of god Timmy please get out of the toilet
@stephenjmolloy: Marriage counsellor: What's the problem? Wife: He is so literal. It drives me mad. MC: And how do you feel, Stephen? Me: With my hands.
@TheBoydP: I'd rather take a bullet for my son than cover for him when mom asks who left the dirty dishes in the sink...
@ilovepie84: They say rabbits don't have glasses because they eat carrots. They also don't have thumbs. I like my thumbs so i don't eat carrots.