@jwoodham: Asking someone out is so unpredictable. You never know exactly how they're going to say no.
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@SocialExtortion: Millions of innocent coconuts are murdered each year so you can drink their nutritious blood you insensitive health freak
@ohen39: Cop: Sir, don't lock your kid in there, it's very hot. Me [closing car door]: It's okay *leans in* it's not my kid.
@DevilryFun: You don't need a therapist when you have a strong support group around your barstool.