@brennadine: At bedtime I read my daughter a few of my favorite RTs, tuck her in & whisper, "This is why we don't talk to strangers on the internet."
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@TheOfficialTed: Guys wait for the perfect girl, Playboy's fault. Girls wait for the perfect guy, Disney's fault.
@UncleDuke1969: *takes coffee from hot barista *makes eye contact *smiles *winks *sips scalding coffee "Thankth, thexy! Theeya!" *walks outside *screams
@meladoodle: The new options on Facebook look like the life cycle of every relationship I've ever had
@AliyanShaikh: Did you know? If you stand under the moonlight and say the name of your true love 3 times, you'll look really stupid.