@joshgondelman: "At least you're going to get a lot of material out of this," is comedian-speak for, "Sorry about your life, dude."
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@_wangwe: Never ask a shepherd how many sheep he owns, I don't think he'd know, he probably falls asleep every time he takes inventory.
@simoncholland: It's fine to eat a "test" grape in the produce section but you take one bite of a rotisserie chicken and it's all, "sir you need to leave."
@pixelatedboat: I was the fastest gun in the West, I'd shoot you with a ham before you could even ask "What is that, some sort of ham cannon?"