@joshgondelman: "At least you're going to get a lot of material out of this," is comedian-speak for, "Sorry about your life, dude."
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@iRowlf: I'm sorry that I gave your baby a wine cooler. I forgot that I superglued a mustache on him earlier and thought he was of legal age.
@TheHyyyype: GUY: hey pal, if you have a problem, say it to my face ME: *gets really close* i'm two months behind on my rent
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: I wish cats came with a counter that told you what life they were on. Number 8 kitty? Maybe you need to work on that attitude.
@LurkAtHomeMom: If anyone has a solid 3 hours on their hands, my 6 year old has a story about Pikachu he'll tell to anyone who is willing to listen.