@kevinrowe1: At my age, a new driver's license doesn't have an Expires On date. It has a Renew If You Haven't Expired On date.
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@philyuck: Hi I'm here for my vasectomy. "Would you like that toasted?" What? "Haha whoops sorry, just came from my other job. Ok let's do this."
@daemonic3: Tried to make jokes on this plane about the other passengers' carryon bags, but they went over their heads
@BarebakAssassin: Most problems can be solved by pouring a concrete slab over the person causing the problems.
@Fickle_Filly: Sorry I dressed up like Captain Caveman when you asked me if I wanted to go clubbing.