@kevinrowe1: At my age, a new driver's license doesn't have an Expires On date. It has a Renew If You Haven't Expired On date.
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@MartaEffing: *hears suspicious noise in backyard, is too lazy to get up & investigate* *smells cookies baking at neighbors house, immediately goes over*
@iwearaonesie: squirrel mom: Remember what I told you squirrel son: "Always look both ways before I finish crossing the street"
@PencilWalrus: A flamingo in the streets and a lion in the sheets and a kangaroo at Target and I think Carl forgot to lock up the zoo last night.
@ilovepie84: Your Ex is like spilt milk. If you put newspaper over them its like the mistake never happened.