@Moldy_Jellybean: At my funeral I want a magician to saw my coffin in half or I'm not going.
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@AsgardianRose: Her: We had the baby! She is 7lbs 3oz, born at 9:08am. We'll be naming her tomorrow. Me: Tomorrow is a terrible name for a baby, tbh.
@iwearaonesie: cost of the ice cream my kid threw a tantrum in the grocery store to get: $5 the look on his face when I ate it for dinner: priceless