@bridger_w: At my funeral, I'd like my family, my closest friends, and a high-pitched squeal no one can locate the source of
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@Vodkantots: Cop: Do you know how fast you were going, ma'am? Me: I left my pills in my other bag & I'm about to get REALLY chatty. C: You're free to go.
@SaeedFaridzadeh: Me: When I was a kid we had to wait a week to watch the next episode of our favorite show. Kid: Is that because the Internet was too slow?
@lollyadefope: ubereats: it will cost £3.50 extra to send this cheeseburger to your house me: ye ye ye hurry up gimme wikipedia: please donate to this website you find very useful or we will die me: LMAOOOOOOOOOO
@MentalAbortions: I'm pretty sure they weren't talking about stupid when they told you, "If you got it flaunt it."