@Merman_Melville: At my funeral the priest will throw my corpse into the crowd and whoever catches it will be the next to die
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@mjkspeaks: Told my kid that he had a viral infection and now he’s excited because he thinks he’s going to be famous online.
@runolgarun: I realized I was an adult when I almost bought napkins instead of taking a wad of free ones from Chipotle. Almost.