@simoncholland: At some point all those Legos I've kicked down the vent instead of picking up over the years are going to be a major problem.
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@shadonium: Her: Show me your pics Me: Ok *blackberry restarts* *waiting* *gets married* *have kids* Son: Dad, your phone finished restarting *dies*
@chrischromak: trump: u gave hillary 3 scoops of ice cream & i only got 2 icecream guy: u ate the first scoop already trump: ive never eaten ice cream ever
@Sickayduh: "Happy birthday! " - Oh wow! A necklace! I love- wait... Did you get me a fake diamond? "Well, it's not really your 29th birthday either"