@simoncholland: At some point all those Legos I've kicked down the vent instead of picking up over the years are going to be a major problem.
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@markedly: BANK: Someone made fraudulent charges with your debit card ME: Wait... how do you know it wasn't me BANK: They entered the PIN correctly on the first try ME: Dear god
@LeslieInMpls: I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look...that one is shaped like an idiot".
@AngelaEhh: Bartender: What can I get you? Me: Sex, beards, rock & roll? Bartender: Me: Sparkling vampire crazy about me? Bartender: Me: Beer.