@clarkekant: At some point in time, the brain named itself. You think it would have gone with something a little better, like Bernard.
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@InternetHippo: me: i just love traveling! my basketball coach: that’s what i want to talk to you about
@Midgetspar: My teenage daughter is TRYING to say, "I miss you dad, please take me fishing." But it keeps coming out like, "Hey, can I have $20 dollars."
@CarolinaSong: I'm at the bar & I'm trying to convince this girl with a leopard print shirt to go & bite this girl with a zebra print shirt.
@HatesNiceThings: If my pizza delivery guy isn't blasting Lionel Richie's "Hello" from his car when he rings my doorbell, I make him go back and start over.