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@OliveStuff: [At the ferret store]
I'll take five of those furry slinkys
@lionprincessval: Friends with benefits? What, like you can provide dental insurance?
@Cheeseboy22: Accidentally deleted an invitation to join LinkedIn from a friend. I doubt I'll ever get an opportunity like that again.
@WildeThingy: Conveniently, the sound from their early Saturday morning lawn mowers covers the noise of my sniper rifle.
@fillthevacuum: "Here's the problem... You've got a Pokémon up there"
- me, as a proctologist
@Maxine12333: Friend gave me a 'stress' ball to squeeze when I'm tense. Did what I always do when nervous, I ate it.