@JasonLight73: At this point you can get more Gas for your $5 bill at a Taco Bell than you can at a Shell Station
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@junejuly12: When I see a man with long fingernails, my first thought is wizard My second thought is virgin wizard
@Demented_Jokes: Post natal depression is a serious condition. I'm 38 years old and my mum still bursts into tears every time she sees me.
@StellaGMaddox: My daughter wrote, "I will see you every day of our lives," on my Mother's Day card, so I guess we've resorted to threats now.
@TheRobCee: [furiously trying to stir a stick of butter into a glass of milk] "Don't you wish there was an easier way?" [cut to carton of butter milk]