At what age do you have THE talk with your daughter about how she is not the princess of anything and she’ll need to get a job.
Is it 6?
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Me: I can see my work fine thank you.
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me: [getting stabbed]
dog: [sleeping]
me: [on fire]
dog: [sleeping]
me: [screaming for help]
dog: [sleeping]
me: [taking a dump while eating string cheese]
dog: [head between my legs] so whatcha doing
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Cleaned off the porch & fed the birds.But like, scarily. Or whatever.
*falls down*
Mom: What was that?
Me: My shirt fell
Mom: It sounded much heavier than a shirt
Me: I was in it
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Me: Huh?
Daughter: Cuz he’s just a Poe boy from a Poe family.
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Me: I-I’m- [clutches chest & falls to floor] I’m gonna need you to pay for me
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This…this was great.
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*on phone
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NASA: That’s not how things work ma’am.
Me: Then what are we even funding you for? If I crash it’s on you.
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“Well … I’ll be dammed.”
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Me: Yes. Preferably one that’s good at math.
Banker: What?
Me: What?
There are usually two types of merchants.