@bourgeoisalien: At what point in listening to your kid whine can you say, "Sorry. This relationship isn't working out. You should start seeing other moms."
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@3sunzzz: Hang up weed instead of mistletoe, then every time you stand under it you can have a snack.
@kelkulus: Between IKEA and Burger King, I think it's safe to say we've all eaten entire horses by now.
@KingRainhead: friend: i want a bf me: i want to hold the reins of 2 equally powerful, beautiful horses who run w/perfectly matched paces & also respect me
@JasonLastname: If you ever get hit by a car, try to spin like a ballerina. You won't get another chance like this.