@lilgapeach30: Ate reduced fat cheese on low calorie bread and my taste buds had me indicted for hate crimes.
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@notacroc: BOSS: it's national replace H's with F's day ME: really? BOSS: yep, you're hired! ME: hahaha-wait BOSS: get out ME: what the huck?
@TravLeBlanc: I'm a lover, not a fighter. So if anyone is giving you trouble and you need me to have sex with them, I'm your man.
@charliedelta7: I taught my 4yo how to spell 'beer' so he'll stop bringing me Pepsi from the fridge.
@3sunzzz: Me: My son totaled another car. Progressive: I see that you insure 3 teen sons? M: yes P: *covers phone* HEY GUYS, WE'RE GOING TO ARUBA!