@TheTweetOfGod: Atheists are Popeless romantics.
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@AnOrangeSNES: *Buys a bunch of wooden letters* Cashier: Feeling crafty? Me: Nope, just trying to make a name for myself.
@juicymorsel: My teen thought it'd be funny to unfriend me on Facebook. I laughed and laughed and changed the wi-fi password. Good times!
@DaveTheAlbino: I always wanted to be just like Flo Rida. That's why I changed my name to "New Ham Sure"