@WonderMonkey78: Atheists don't believe in God or the "i before e except after c" rule of spelling.
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@ArfMeasures: HIM: We need to decide who to eat first as we're stuck on this desert island ME: Actually it's a "deserted" island H: Ok so that was easy
@withanewname: "Honey, it's time we talk to him about the roaches & the fleas" "You mean the birds & the bees?" "DEAR GOD WOMAN HAVE YOU SEEN HIS ROOM!"
@No_Job_Joe: My boss just fired me because I spent the past 45 minutes taking a crap. I don't see why he can't just clean it off his desk, and move on.
@juliussharpe: My wife wants to have another kid. That's like seeing light at the end of a tunnel and saying, "I think we better turn around."