@papasuncle: ATM is telling me I have insufficient funds. Worst part is I was just walking by minding my own business.
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@Black__Elvis: My favorite episode of Friends is the one where blacks mysteriously vanish and unemployed white people find affordable housing in Manhattan.
@Shock_Monster: Him: Sir, you don't have the experience or fitness to be a fireman. Me: But, I got a mustache! Him: That's cat fur attached with frosting.
@TheMichaelRock: Coworker: What did you do on vacation? Me: Didn't come to work. Coworker: I know that! Me: Good. Glad you understand how vacations work.