@primawesome: Attack today with a positive attitude. Absolutely destroy it with good vibes. Murder its family with hope.
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@whatmaddness: Confetti is shot outta cannons at my funeral. Everyone picks through it wondering why it doesn't look right. "Oh god. Are these her bones?!"
@ehdannyboy: *phone rings* Wife - "Quick! Pretend I'm not in!" Me - *strips naked and does running man* Wife - "...."
@Tw1tter_K1tten: Febreze commercial: "Now we remove her blindfold and..." *has panic attack, stabs camera man, vomits, jumps out closed window*
@ddsmidt: A fight or flight situation. Like when you go to pick up your kid and the teacher's walking towards you with "the look" on her face.