@dshack8: Attention fat vegans:
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@_Water_Baby: *at casino* When he hands you $100 and asks you to go get chips, do not ask him Doritos or Lays. Get both. It will leave him speechless.
@Social_Mime: Waiter - I'm Matt & I'll be taking care of you Me - You say that now Matt but what about when times get tough Wife - Give us a few minutes
@jctwritesstuff: Her: Can you babysit? Me: Uh, what do I do? H: Play games & stuff. M: Like drinking games? H: He's 2. M: H: M: So like no hard liquor or...?
@Michael1979: Best wishes to the local youths I met outside the supermarket today. They asked me to buy alcohol for their gravely ill grandfather whose dying wish is 3 bottles of vodka and a case of beer. I was happy to help. Please give my best wishes to your grandad, guys.