@Chumpstring: Attention Prayer Warriors: My neighbor left town for a funeral today. Please pray for God to protect & guide me as I steal his barbecue pit.
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@Try2StopME: A Guy Doing Push Ups 'One.. Two.. Three..' *A Girl Passes by..* Guy: "82.. 83.. 84.."
@UncleDuke1969: [typing] Me: Is it DISCREET or DISCRETE? Wife: 2nd. Me: Is "polyamorous" hyphenated? Wife: No. Why? Me: It's for work. When's your flight?
@HlaoRoo: Remember when you used Twitter to update friends & family on where you were, & what you were doing? Yeah, me neither.