@Chumpstring: Attention Prayer Warriors: My neighbor left town for a funeral today. Please pray for God to protect & guide me as I steal his barbecue pit.
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@JasonLastname: First rule of robbing banks is you have to shout, "THIS IS A ROBBERY!" Otherwise they might think it's a baptism.
@WGladstone: When God closes a door, he opens a window. So God's pretty clearly getting high in his dorm room.
@Sal0630: Boss: I'll tell you what I want Me: So tell me what you want, what you really really want *office breaks into Spice Girls dance routine
@CodyJP9412: [creating the armadillo] GOD: I want a half turtle, ANGEL: Okay G: Half pig, A: Okay, I'm on it- G: Half anteater A: ...Are u drunk G: Very