@Super_Cynthia: [auditions for laundry detergent commercials just so I can splash brightly colored food on myself on purpose]
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@OfficialMizGin: I hate it when a guy pulls out a chair in front of me. I’m never sure if he’s a gentleman or a chair thief.
@forcemajeure40: Apparently when I'm at Olive Garden I'm family. So why did they call the cops when I left without paying? My family never makes me pay.
@kimmie_1980: Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that Im typing this with my middle finger.