@Mr_goose007: Auto correct tries to change the word "pussies" to "Aussies".... Just saying.
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@michowl: I pointed to hub's hearing aid and said is that thing on? He said "yes, I am just trying to figure out what the hell you are saying"
@ilovepie84: I've replaced my neighbors toothpaste with Napalm, and left him a free pack a cigarettes. Now we wait.
@tomipuff: I wish cartoons would have prepared me for working and doing taxes instead of, like, quicksand
@Crunk_Jews: Apparently, you still fail a roadside sobriety test if you just lay down and take a nap.