@Mr_goose007: Auto correct tries to change the word "pussies" to "Aussies".... Just saying.
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@KentWGraham: Given the American diet, don’t you think we’d have greater success locating missing children if we put their faces on liters of soda?
@iamspacegirl: Santa: its snowing Christmas is canceled Put everything in the garbage Elves: no! Rudolph: what if I told you I had a very small red light
@Jake_Vig: ME: Siri listen very carefully. I need you to quietly dial 911, and... SIRI: I HAVE FOUND TWO RESTAURANTS WITHIN 5 MILES OF YOUR LOCATION.
@valerie_tosi: The Chipotle I went to apologized for not having any lettuce today. I said "It's cute that you think I'm here for that."