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@scarebro: Autocannibalism is self-serving.
@SondraDeeMe: "Just the tip," I whisper seductively to the pizza delivery guy, hoping he fulfills my fantasy of not charging me for the pizza.
@HappyHijabbi: Just got added to a list called "people." Glad I made that cut.
@theshantilly: I got myself into this mess, and I can get myself further into this mess.
@LeiaMarieG: My kid's insults to each other:
"you have fat lips like Momma."
"well, you have a big butt like Momma.
@PopSlapFunk: I don't mean to brag about my patience, but I just waited 5 whole seconds before passing a student driver and flicking them off.