@ray8968: Autocarrot sucks!
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@Xoolun: My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with bodybuilding. I could feel the weight lifting from my shoulders.
@shatterpants: If Kung Fu Panda taught me anything, it's that obese people can be accepted...so long as they know kung fu.
@hpb777: Me: *texts* How'd you sleep? Him: *texts* Horrible...I was tossing and turn- Me: *crawls out from under his bed* I KNOW, YOU POOR THING.
@Phook75: A reboot of Dexter, but this time he stalks and kills people who reply to a text message with a phone call