@joeyfullystated: Autocorrect changed Italian to Taliban, so now I'm sure the NSA is super interested in my ricotta cheese.
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@mattZillaaaa: [at my funeral] So young, how did he die? He ran into oncoming traffic after walking past a group of adults saying the word "bae"
@evidentlyblonde: When people ask me "plz" because its shorter than "please".. I just tell them "no" because its shorter than "yes."
@jdforshort: College guy: How do you like it? Me: Salty...of course *slaps down $20 CG: We'll take two pretzels with salt ~Get outta the gutter pervs