@novicefather: Autocorrect changed "killing spree" to "killing soirée" so bring your finest evening attire because murder can be classy.
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@1Bad_Scientist: Neighbor: Help I have a plumbing emergency! Me: *grabs tools* Neighbor is naked and wet Me: um what kind of plumbing are we talking about?
@RidiculousSheri: Him: I know your secret Me:*nervously sweating, remembering my Netflix history* Yeah? H: You killed someone M: *relieved* Oh, haha. Yep