@novicefather: Autocorrect changed "killing spree" to "killing soirée" so bring your finest evening attire because murder can be classy.
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@Meh_Tweetz: bought 30 treadmills & placed them around the perimeter of house, when zombies attack my house they will just keep walking for days
@jergarl: Me: OMG I'm so tired. Ambien: Your wife would look AMAZING covered in mustard and chocolate chips. Me: I'm on it. A: And Cheetos. M: K.
@minnie_in_pink7: Not to brag, but I can cure a man of having a thing for me in five minutes flat.