@Tmoney68: Autocorrect changed "stranger" to "strangler" & it made me wonder how often I must have written about murdering people to teach it that.
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@AnkCoupleTO: [on the phone] Me: I can't make it in today Boss: That's the 3rd time this week M: *neck deep in Kit Kat wrappers* I have a problem
@minnie_in_pink7: I hope George Clooney dumps his wife so he and Brad Pitt can finally be happy together.
@TheFunnyWorId: I refused to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
@TheWoodenslurpy: Your secrets are safe with me because I literally won’t remember them. This also applies to your birthday. Your birthdays are safe with me.