@Tmoney68: Autocorrect changed "stranger" to "strangler" & it made me wonder how often I must have written about murdering people to teach it that.
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@iwearaonesie: If you start smacking people with your wife's purse she won't ask you to hold it for her anymore
@imence2: "My ex was a great wife, mom & never once complained once about ass to mouth" was apparently not an acceptable speech when she remarried?
@duplicitron: Once a guy at the grocery store yelled at me to stop talking on a banana like a phone so I hung up and shot him with it.