@PinkCamoTO: Autocorrect changed "you flatter me" to "you flatten me" and shit just got really weird.
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@AristotlesNZ: First rule of Thesaurus Club: You do not talk, speak, chat, deliberate, confer, gab, or converse about Thesaurus Club.
@QwertyJones3: I always keep a water spray bottle next to my bed in case a cat burglar breaks in.
@iMikosnyc: Tonite on House Hunters: Jill wants 4 bedrooms, granite countertops and a home spa. Bob wants to be stabbed in the driveway.
@tylerschmall: Hi, fire department? My cat is in a tree. Television has taught me that this is your problem.