@DebasaurusRex: Autocorrect, no matter how many times I tell you, I don't want anyone's duck in my can't.
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@okimstillhungry: Tinder date: Do you have any religious beliefs? Me: *Motions vaguely in the direction of the refrigerator*
@_davidlucas_: Daddy! Tell me a story.. The Tooth Fairy is really a wicked witch, who takes all your teeth if you sleep with your mouth open. Good night.