@DebasaurusRex: Autocorrect, no matter how many times I tell you, I don't want anyone's duck in my can't.
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@david8hughes: [at the aquarium] Son [pointing at a large tank]: daddy what's that Me: tank Son: no what lives in the tank Me: water
@trojansauce: [getting a haircut] BARBER: anything else? ME: cut me BARBER: what? no ME: like sweeney todd BARBER: i'm no- ME:make me into a pie
@InternetHippo: Health care reform is a tough sell politically. How do you campaign against health insurance companies, whom everyone loves