@DebasaurusRex: Autocorrect, no matter how many times I tell you, I don't want anyone's duck in my can't.
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@ericsshadow: FBI: If you testify you'll have to go into the Witness Protection Program ME: I'll do it FBI: Your wife and kids too ME: Oh ok never mind
@TheToddWilliams: Boss: It's been a tough year Jim J: Am I laid off? B: No J: Fired? B: No J: What then? B: You're to be executed at noon. J: This is bullshit
@TheCiscoKidder: My wife acts like she wants to have sex, but then we don't. I googled it, it's called cuddling.