@thetigersez: Aww, you "only wish the best for your exes?" That's cool, I lie about things too.
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@mrjohntofu: Apparently telling someone you'll catch their next wedding is unacceptable, whatevers.
@duplicitron: Once a guy at the grocery store yelled at me to stop talking on a banana like a phone so I hung up and shot him with it.
@Savage_Scavange: Never really had a nickname in my life.. Except maybe that one time a bunch of chumps called me "The defendant" for a full day.
@icrushedmyhalo: Boss: Lunch meeting, let's go. Me: Do I have to? Boss: Free food and unlimited alcohol. Me: *moonwalks to the car*