@NouRahif: "Axe" is not going to help you get girls, unless you spray it in their eyes then quickly chloroform them.
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@awkwardphilippe: [Pizza falls on the ground] Hold HOLD! -Germ boss telling his minions not to jump on the pizza until it's been a full five seconds.
@imdaintyaf: Don't date a man expecting to change him. At the end of the day he'll still be a man, and you'll have wasted your black candles and a goat.
@KtotheK39: Divorce lawyers all over the world are rubbing their hands together in glee now that Twitter DM has a picture function.
@jngraphs: Another normal evening Cook food - 30 minutes Eat it - 5 minutes Check Facebook - 1 minute Check Twitter - 8 hours