@NouRahif: "Axe" is not going to help you get girls, unless you spray it in their eyes then quickly chloroform them.
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@brianbowman73: Her: How would you describe that green sheep? Me: I don't know. Olive ewe? Her: I knew you'd say it first! I love you too! Entrapment 101
@lurve_meh: They say kill 'em with kindness but it's much quicker if you just take their phone charger away.
@jctwritesstuff: *watching The Revenant* *rewind* *play* *rewind* *play* *rewind* *play* Him: What are you doing? Me: Taking notes for when I fight a bear.
@RexHuppke: God, grant me the serenity to yell at immigrant children, the courage to still say I'm a Christian, and the ignorance to not get the irony.