@missokistic: Ayn Rand, Rand Paul and Paul Ryan walk into a bar. The bartender serves them tainted alcohol because there are no regulations. They die.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@CulturedRuffian: * on a date snuggling * Me: Did you enjoy dinner? Her: Yeah, but now I feel fat. Me: Get your hands off my belly.
@Audenary: DAD: Think an earthquake's coming. MOM: Check Rocky; dogs always know. DOG *analysing seismic data*: I anticipate magnitudes of 6 or more.
@smithsara79: Me: [on a scale] What? How did I gain weight? Friend: Didn't you eat Taco Bell for each meal everyday last week? Me: Uh, yeah, as a *joke*
@jakob_huber: Ant: I found this book of what humans call us. I'm an ant Dung Beetle: What am I called? Ant: *checks, shuts book* Let's not focus on labels